Dating intimacy issues satire on online dating
The party that is more secure in terms of their attachment style enables the creation of a push-pull dynamic in terms of investment, further compounding the fears that the avoider feels.At any moment, they believe that they can be betrayed and so, their guard must be constantly up, lest they get shamed, abandoned, or hurt again.The insecurity can cause anger and make you direct the blame towards your partner.You feel confused: you think you want out of the new relationship, but is it you or your partner causing the problem? There are justifiable reasons for abandonment of another (alcoholic, abusive, etc.) versus perceived threats coming from your mind being projected outward in the form of insecurities, unrealistic expectations, and so on.
Beginning in childhood, the poisonous seed of the avoider mentality is planted: As a child cannot get their needs met when asking for them, or as they get rejected, they learn that they must rely on themselves alone to get what they desire. I don’t want to make you angry or scare you off I just don’t know how to express myself. Emotions are walled off so as to not feel vulnerable, leaving intimacy dead in the water. Though even if there’s some fight involved, it usually moves to flight.The insecurity and unknown burrows into your brain like a parasite, constantly clawing at you and never relenting. You look for advice but nobody understands exactly what you’re going through, and you feel like you are alone. You can’t think of anyone else, you can’t do anything else. You live on the periphery of relationships, seeing others only as a means to an end. It is not necessary that both are felt, or to the same degree, but one of the two is present.You hate the feelings of the unknown that cause the tightness in your chest, that choke your throat. The abandonments from the past hurt too much that you can’t sustain anything further. Avoiders believe that they can handle things themselves and shouldn’t rely on anyone else, especially in hard times when support is needed.
Complicating things is the fact that each person experiences their own set of emotions, and can think of each other as the abandoner or engulfer!